I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
