i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
