It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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