this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
