just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize