oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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