I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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