PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
