apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
