Screwed.edu
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
