That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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