Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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