Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
