I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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