Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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