grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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