i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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