u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
