I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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