Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
