i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
