Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
