i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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