Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
