I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
