guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
