is your mom at the bar?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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