Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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