she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
