That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
