It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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