I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize