Im at strip club and am horny
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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