Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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