some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
