i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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