Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just had sex on a roof
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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