I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
