walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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