so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
