So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
