so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had to coat check the pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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