Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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