my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
