Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
