I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
