Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
