You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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