You made me cry and you don't even care
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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