Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
