Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
being pregnant is like rehab
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He did a backflip because drugs
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