had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
