This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
