Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
