Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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