So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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