I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
