btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
