I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize