I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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