I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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