I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
