i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
