you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
