you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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