should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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