The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
