That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
