I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
