i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
