I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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