I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
