I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
