she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In America we eat man semen.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
