btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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