How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
