didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
