He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
