Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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