he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
