you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
