I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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