So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
